What to Do When Your Aging Parents Shouldn’t Drive

Posted on by

By Alex Perdikis

If you have an aging parent who seems to be losing the skills required to drive safely, you have to step in before a tragedy occurs. It won’t necessarily be easy: After decades of driving, not driving can be a hugely emotional and often traumatic experience.

Follow these tips to make the transition easier on both you and your parent.

1. Come Up with a Plan

Before broaching the subject, think about ways to fill the transportation void. Is public transportation available? How about Lyft and Uber services? Could you hire a driver when your parent needs to go to the doctor or grocery store? Prepare for the conversation with feasible solutions.

2. Broach the Subject Before It’s a Problem

Don’t wait until there’s no option other than taking the keys away.

 

“Talk about it with your parent before it becomes an issue. Discuss ways to handle the situation. Don’t go in with the attitude that you’re in charge. Make a plan as a family.” — Alex Perdikis

 

Your parent may have already thought about the future and have some ideas in mind.

3. Talk to the Doctor

Your parent’s doctor cannot share medical information with you unless authorized. However, letting the doctor know about your concerns is perfectly reasonable. Doctors often have sway over what their patients do and can be a powerful ally when the time comes.

Also, look into enlisting the aid of your loved one’s optometrist or ophthalmologist.

4. How to Handle the “Big Talk”

If you’ve discussed the issue before, having the “big talk” with your parent shouldn’t be difficult to bring up. But, the way you talk about it will have a lot to do with how your loved one reacts. The best scenario is that the two of you discuss the issue, and the parent decides on his or her own when it’s the right time to stop driving.

Your parent is an adult and will not appreciate you talking down or acting as an authority over them. Frame your words in such a way that shows you’re in this together.

Follow these tips for a positive discussion:

  • Avoid using phrases like “We think you should…” You don’t want to sound like you are making the decision for them.
  • Let them know you understand their predicament. Explain that you realize what the loss of license means for them. Outline practical transportation suggestions you researched before.
  • Ask about their feelings. Try open questions such as, “When do you think you should stop driving?”

5. If All Else Fails

If it’s time for your parent to stop driving but he or she refuses to hand over the keys, take charge. Check with your state DMV to report your parent as an unsafe driver. Each state is different, but most DMVs run an investigation that may include a road and/or written test and a vision exam.

The good thing about this route is that you aren’t the person taking the keys. However, it happens, try to make the transition as easy as possible and maintain a loving relationship at the same time.

Alex Perdikis, Koons of Silver Spring general manager and owner, lives in Chevy Chase with his wife and daughters.